Pure magic.

I am good and I feel good. That is the agreement my mind, my soul and I have.

Most of the time I am good but there are other hard times where I am not so well. I stayed at home the first two months and I never leave my house during that time, not once. I thought I was going to get fired, but I didn´t. This is the first time in weeks I decided go to the world that did not missed me, even did not realize that I was gone. There are empty cabinets in my kitchen and they demand attention. I will let them see how loneliness impacts life, how it looks like to be single again and destroyed again too. I don’t care what people can or will say about me, I don’t worry about how I dressed up neither, the expectation of whom I’m going to see next has banished. A few dudes called me when it happened offering beers and offensive jokes related to her and my family send me enough food to start hibernation if I'll like too. But as much I appreciated it, when I'm not so well no one can help me. When I am good, I can take the sun, like today.

I remember getting hungrier than a grizzly bear once and I didn't had nothing in the fridge, so, after thinking a while where to... I drove to a little place that obviously she and I used to visit frequently when we were together. I don't go there for the memories it makes me relive, -I swear-, I go there because they have the best boneless in town, they are magnificent in flavor and there is a happy hour with one dollar beer on it. Picture this: there I was, calming my grizzly hunger by eating boneless and beer while something very random occurred; this beautiful lady pops up to the jukebox and changes whatever it is with our song as a result, when John Legend started to sing, I internally said “dam it”. I looked at me in the reflection of my glass and all went down from there. -In the present, I still feel like an avalanche of emotions telling this-. Obviously, I realized that most of the guy's working there knew her. They remember us when we were together, we liked here that much we probably came here two or three times a week. She always ordered the same food; “you know what I want girl, this handsome gentleman in front of me. But before him, let me have the sea and earth burger, a few onion rings and keep dancing the dollars (beers), please”. She always ordered the same way because she knew how awkward I'll get from that and she loved it. At the end of the song, I realized how strongly I have been missing her. Then, with one boneless in one hand and my cellphone with her photo in the other hand; I started crying. I secretly cried dough, the place was full and I didn't want to embarrass myself, so, I did it from inside. At certain point, I had the next thought: I have this twenty in my left pocket, the boneless cost three bucks so I can have twelve more beers. I ended fucked up, but I was still crying inside. Alcohol did not helped me forget you, I remember thinking about you harder and stronger than never before. At the place, nobody noticed the crying, but, I was crying. I fake a smile on my way out to my house after I paid the bill and I got out of there. -I don´t go to that restaurant anymore-. I started to walk by the street trying to come back from the internal humiliation, but my mind continued seeing her. I walked by the mark of the place involved in our first discussion and I got more miserable because it was one of the most intense fights with her, -I remember because there are only three-. I can remember all the fights we had. The dialogues in between. How I screw it all the times. How she forgot me. How my love for her was increasing on daily basis. I wish she were here with me now, all the rides back home with her hanging on my arm like a koala bear where speechless to eachother, walking alone after breaks up is something cruel sensation to feel. 

I want to think that we had only three fights in all these years because we comprehended each other so well while we were dating.

With her, everything was pure magic; all the times, she irradiated pure love all day and I spend all my afternoons chasing her love and trying keeping it close to me. On our second date, she kissed me for the first time. I was waiting for the right moment. That is why I did not wanted to look imprudent with her on our first date. One day after school, I decided to take an advice from my friend David about me stop being coward and conquer my dreams, so after talking to him, I recharged myself with courage and determination and I ask her out. I became the luckiest guy after she said yes. -I could not believe it neither-. She accepted going out with me. “I go by your house around seven” I said to her and then I left. I wanted to plan everything according to her taste and her favorite stuff, I wanted to impress her so badly that I started asking to her friends things that I already knew but my mind needed to confirm. Her favorite plate? Done. What she listen to? Check.  What specimen does she turns into when she gets very hungry? Kidding. Although she is capable of doing horrible things to me if I don’t show up at time accordingly to her friend Rashida, she likes punctuality and I do to. I picked her up and when she opened the door I noticed that she was not ready yet, I felt so blessed because I had some time to plan out the date, I put myself in action. Then, we got up at the car and after twenty seconds of looks, I press play and Drake started to flow, then, she smiled at me followed by a "thank you for being so punctual and I am so sorry  that you waited for me a second” she said. I smile her back, she started dancing with the music and we left. At first, it became silence, we didn’t talk on the way, it was not weird silence or uncomfortable at all, more like peaceful and a pacific one. She liked the silence apparently because she turned off the music but nothing came out her mouth, I thought she were going to start talking but she wasn't. I was so nervous already because of the place trouble that the silence helped me calm after all. I remember stopping in the middle of nowhere. Getting down to look at the tires because I "heard" something strange. The truth is that I needed some air, I needed to inspire some air, be able to stop for a minute and came to the conclusion that I was spending the night with the most incredible amazing woman. I check the farthest tire from her, I breathed in, I encourage myself - for the hundred time- and we continued the road trip to the restaurant. The tire got me Giuseppe´s. Giuseppe's was an hour distance from where we was and I wanted to take her there because there is a photography in her house of her in that restaurant when she was probably seven years old, maybe six. I noticed it when she invited us to meet her nephew but I remembered recently when her make up save my ass in her house before, so, when I got the reservation it was really on. I was on my way to start making her fall in love with me.

Let's go back in time: before the taste, but right after she said yes., I went directly for bullying advices and useless "first date with her" advices with my friends, after that I went home wishing more wisdom friends. The plan started in my house, I laid in bed thinking where I was going to take her, which one was the perfect way to make the date special, I wanted to make the date special for her, I wanted to transform the day into an unforgettable day. I write a list with the things I knew about her. The things I was positive she liked with blue, the things she might like with black and the things she definitely don’t like fore sure, with the red ink. After two hours I had nothing, the paper was still all white. I was overwhelmed with the mission that I was starting to fail the planning of "the perfect date". A few moments after my anxiousness started to get hold of me, Alexa told me that only forty-five minutes were left for the date. I collapsed for a while because I wasn’t showered yet, I didn’t had a place and of course no reservation waiting for us, no activities after dinner, no surprises for her, no present, no shit, -¡Crap!, disappointed and scared of myself, I took a shower very fast, after I was ready I drove to her house. I tried date her for so long and now that it is happening, that we can be a possibility, I am destroying it, I don’t have a plan and the night will be ruined. I wore my lucky shirt as a comfort with what was happening because I felt like I was going to need it. I arrived to her house early hopping for the extra points it might bring and I stayed outside her house for nine minutes all screwed down. I knock the door at seven pm precisely, she opened, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and then, she turned back and flew the second floor stairs while she told me to wait for her. I sat down on the coach and dried the sweat off my hands with it, then I started creating an emergency plan for us and save the evening, save our future child. I started walking like maniac and with desperation through the living room trying to elaborate a plan with information from her house and her family, conveniently, I saw a photography in the coffee table next to the PlayStation. -And from there, pure magic happened around me and her-. In the photography she appears with her mother and her sister. I took the photo and i started to analyze it. I deduced from the photo that she was six or seven in the picture. She was celebrating a birthday and her smile was more beautiful than her mamma and her sister. Also, I distinguished in the photo there was a Giuseppe’s Italian Restaurant neon advertising on the back of them, I Google the place just to see if it still existed and surprise, surprise, it did existed, it was open and not in a reasonably kidnaping long distance for her, I tried to call them, but I heard her go down the stairs, so, I saved the number and the location, I blocked up my phone and I went to her. We hold our shoulders each other for a moment, then I contemplated her closeness to me and with an eye sign of her, the date started. We went to the car, I opened the door for her, and I put some Drake because she glorified his new album recently according to her friend Kiana. I just needed to make the call to Giuseppe for the reservation and everything were will be fine. She started dancing and then she turned off the stereo, -which is when the silent came-. We did not talked on our way, but we laugh sometimes. I called the restaurant the moment I could and after that I calm myself by enjoy her presence and gazing into her eyes sometimes. We did not talked, but I felt like it was not necessary. She was so surprised when she saw the place where we were going to eat. It fit perfectly.

After the nonstop conversation during back home, I wanted to kiss her a few times during dinner and after, I even felt like see wanted to kiss me too when we were walking in the orchid garden but at the end, none of us did. Well, she did gave me a kiss, but it was on the cheek and then, she said goodbye and she closed the door. We felt instant connection as friends but after the first date we had, I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.  I dedicated all my attention to her in our date, she let me discover the brightness in her, she let me see her patience with others, she treated me with respect, with a certain type of admiration and she already knew things that I were sure I never told her before. I discovered the love she gives to everything and everyone. When we were together, she was doing a lot of things at the same time, her day and her calendar was crazy, she was the best in a few of the things that she did. Maybe she still is. After our first date, I knew that she was the woman of my life. I love her right after the kiss on my cheek and the slam of the door at my face. It felt like magic running through my veins. Pure magic.

For the second date, I made no mistakes, I prepared better. I had three days to organize everything. That meant 72 hours of research, production and ejection with serenity. Of course, I think our second date beat the first one. Giuseppe in the picture by her coffee table saved me the first date. Why I think second takes the belt above the first? Easy, she kissed me after the second date finished. She kissed me on the lips. I remember it was rainy on our second date and I love rainy days since that day, i think it is because the most amazing girl kissed me once, in a rainy day.

A year ago, I was doing shopping for two. Now, the empty cabinets are a reminding of her. Everything reminds me her presence.

Sometimes I have bad days. Other times, like for example today: I remember her. –A day pure of magic-. Remembering you is like magic to me.